Lost: The Princess Edition
by TreehousesAndApplepies
Summary: A kidnapping goes wrong and Peach ends up stranded on a lone island with… Bowser. Will she survive in the company of the angry - and hungry - king koopa? Slightly one-sided PxB in later chapters. T for language.
1. Day 1 - Completely Lost

**Hello, reader! This is my first multi-chapter story, so I'm kinda really excited... It's about Peach and Bowser who get stranded on deserted island and... that's about it. But fear not! Many hilarious and stupid things will occur to them.**

**Yeah, well, see for yourself...**

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**Day 1 – Completely Lost**

_ Featuring royal profanities, squabble, a coconut and some more profanities._

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Fuck.

Although Peach was well aware that the F word was banned from the princess vocabulary and that Toadsworth, her loyal steward, probably would freak out if he knew she even thought about it, it was really the only word she could properly describe her situation with.

She was stranded on a little island in the middle of nowhere together with… uh, Bowser, king of the koopas, her kidnapper and long-time tormentor. Of all the people she could have been stranded on a deserted island with, it just had to be Bowser. The flying ship was probably in pieces by now, sinking to the bottom of the ocean along with the radio. They really hadn't anything except the clothes on their backs and, for some ineffable reason, one of Bowser's spare shells that he had decided to grab from the sinking ship instead of the goddamn radio.

Yeah, fuck was the right word.

The blonde dropped to the ground next to a palm tree and eyed the king koopa coldly, she was about to give him a piece of her mind, but he beat her to it.

"Before you say anything, consider this: if you say anything I will eat you alive."

She glared at him.

"You are a disgusting monster. Go away!"

"THERE ISN'T ANYWHERE TO GO, YOU STUPID GIRL!"

Peach fought off the urge to burst into tears. He was right. There was nothing there, just them, sand and water, water, water as long as her eyes could see. No ships, no planes, no chubby little plumber. Nothing. She was doomed. And not in an oh-no-I-am-kidnapped-again! type of way. Kidnappings, she could take. But this? This was actual danger. This time she could actually die! They were completely alone on an island with no food and… oh god, did he eat human meat?

She shot her kidnapper a terrified glance. What if he did? He had threatened her… No. No, he did not. If that was the case, he already would have eaten her. No, he would not eat her. Hopefully… She watched the giant koopa cautiously as he placed the spare shell in the shadow under another palm tree and wiped away a few grains of sand of it.

This was going to be a long day.

xxx

A couple of hours of sitting around at the ground, staring at water and despairing had gone by.

The sun was high in the sky, unmercifully shining down at the survivors. The king koopa didn't seem to mind the heat, maybe he was used to it what with all those lava pools in his castles, but Peach did mind it. She had removed her gloves, but that was really all she could do to fight the heat as she would never, ever take off her dress in the company of Bowser. NEVER.

"I want some food." Bowser suddenly grunted.

She immediately tensed up.

"W… what?"

"Go get me some food."

Phew. She apparently wasn't on the menu.

"Well?"

"There isn't anything her!" she responded. "Only sand and rocks…"

Bowser grumpily pointed at the palm tree she was sitting under.

"Then what's that, super genius? A pile of rocks?"

"I hate you."

"Climb up and get me the coconuts."

"I don't want to." The blonde huffed. "I am a princess not your slave."

She crossed her arms. Bowser growled and slung the spare shell on his back, on top of his other one.

"If you don't, I **will** eat you." He loomed above her threateningly.

"O..oh really, go ahead." She said trying to sound as arrogant as she could, though it only came out as a whimper.

Truthfully, she probably would have climbed that stupid tree for him – if she knew how to, but she didn't.

Bowser wordlessly raised a fist. Peach flinched and curled up, but he didn't hit her. Instead, she heard a dull thump and a crack. She looked up to see Bowser rubbing his knuckles and blowing on them. He had hit the tree, not her.

Then a coconut fell on her head.

"Humph." Bowser snorted, scooping up the coconut.

Peach rubbed her head, dazed. She had forgotten how strong he was… Bowser turned away and set to hitting the coconut against a rock to break it open. Peach's stomach began to growl as she watched him slurp up the milk and scrape the meat out with his claws. She hadn't realized how hungry she was until now. Like, really very hungry… As the contents of the coconut slowly disappeared, she decided to ignore her royal pride and ask the green koopa for a piece. And if he didn't give her some she would beg him. On her bare knees.

She was really, really hungry.

"So, Bowser…" she said and rose, wobbling slightly from the impact on her head. "Have you ever thought about the importance of shar..."

"No. Get your own coconut."

He grumpily turned away.

"What? I hadn't even… Ah!"

She angrily clenched her fists. _That stupid giant turtle._

"I'm a princess!" she cried and stomped her foot, feeling very childish and silly.

"Well, whoop-dee-doo." Bowser grunted as he slowly finished up the coconut and dropped the empty remains in the sand.

At this point Peach could've been the better person and kept quiet or at least acted like the royalty she was and thrown some clever insult at him, like "You're the bane of my existence". But at the moment she didn't care for her royal pedigree and she certainly didn't want to be the better person. No, she used the first words that popped into her mind.

"Fuck you."

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**Thanks for reading! Really!**


	2. Day 2 - Adventures With Water

**This chapter was a tough one to write, it just didn't want to come out as I intended it to... Anyways, to the story!**

**We set off right where we left.**

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**Day 2 – Adventures With Water**

_ Featuring more arguments, bad water, hurling and a slightly sadistic princess._

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For an hour Bowser had just laid there in the shadow of the palm tree, ignoring Peach and anything she said completely. Okay, maybe the things she had said weren't the nicest, but still! She was a princess and… that is… something… Oh, god who was she kidding? Like it mattered on this godforsaken island. She was probably going to starve to death and being a princess certainly wouldn't prevent that and…

Suddenly Bowser got up, disrupting her thoughts. Without a word he threw the spare shell over his shoulder and set off into the forest. Seeing as there wasn't any other option (besides attempting to survive on her own and, yeah, like that would end up well…) she decided to follow him. As discreetly as she could, of course.

After walking in the jungle like forest for a while Bowser stopped. Peach didn't think that he had noticed her following him, but clearly that wasn't the case.

"Stop following me." He said without turning around.

"No."

"I'll eat you."

"Yeah, right. I have heard that one before, so forgive me if I don't take it very seriously."

"You've got a lot of guts talking to me like that. I wonder if they taste like chicken."

"You are disgusting and cruel."

"Like I care."

And again, he set off without another word.

"Hey!"

"WHAT!?"

"I hate this."

"Well, whoop-dee-doo."

xxx

Further in the forest the explorers found a small freshwater stream trickling through the mud, almost hidden by the thick foliage. Bowser knelt down and began slurping up the water, along with a bunch of dirt.

Peach wrinkled her nose.

"That is... disgusting."

She approached the creek - upstream from Bowser, so she wouldn't catch anything nasty - and scooped up water in her cupped palms.

"Okay, we're done here." Bowser rose, wiping the mud off his jaw.

He spat a couple times and lumbered back toward the trees.

"Wait!"

"What?" Responded the green koopa and looked as grumpy as ever.

Peach stared down at the water in her hands. There were tiny specks floating around in it, and it was... green.

"I don't think this water is good to drink." She said slowly, wiping her hands off on her sand-encrusted dress.

"Yeah, right." Bowser scoffed.

xxx

"I fucking hate this isla-" Bowser was cut off by another bout of vomiting.

He doubled over, regurgitating the remains of the coconut and whatever else he had eaten that morning up into the sand.

"I hate to say this. But I told you so. I told you the water was bad." Peach called from a safe distance away.

They were back at the beach and she had propped up a large palm leaf up on a few branches to shade herself. Bowser glared at her and continued vomiting.

"You know, the secret is to use your common sense and, if you haven't got one, to listen to others who have."

"Shut the fuck u-" The king koopa couldn't finish a sentence before he started to throw up again.

The princess leaned back against the palm tree, closing her eyes. The sun was high in the sky, the wind soft on her skin and for the first time on this godforsaken island she was enjoying herself.

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**First off all, thanks for reading! Secondly, sorry for any grammatical errors! English is not my native language.**

**This was a very short chapter; the next will hopefully be longer. **

**Peace and love!**


	3. Day 3- The Importance of a Quality Shell

**Hello internet! Firstly, I had a blast writing this chapter, it was soo much easier than the last one! Secondly, I just want to take some time thanking the nice people who've been reviewing, faving and following this story. You're not many, but for a crappy writer like me it really means the world. Thank you! You're the best!**

**And now, let's get down to business.**

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**Day 3 – The Importance of a Quality Shell**

_Featuring the spare shell argument, Bowser laughing his behind off and plans for revenge._

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"We need to start a fire." Peach decided gazing at the setting sun. "It is the only way we will ever be able to attract a ship."

The sky was already turning orange and the wind was beginning to pick up. She looked to the flat horizon worriedly. If she had to spend one more day with the bastard, she would probably go insane. Not that she hadn't been alone with him before, she had, but just not as long as this. And at those, rather few, occasions he had always acted so… strange. He either stared at her (when he thought she wasn't looking) like she was an animal at the zoo or grumpily grumbled threats and curses while not looking at her at all. Seriously, what was his deal?

She turned around facing the king koopa, only to realise he'd been staring at her the entire time. He immediately averted his gaze.

"If you want a damn fire, go get some damn firewood."

Peach sighed heavily. Not that she didn't want her hands to get dirty, believe it they already were, but she hadn't had anything to eat in what seemed like ages. She barely had the power to fan a palm tree leave to cool herself let alone collect firewood! She gazed angrily at Bowser. For once, why couldn't he be a gentleman and actually help her? God knows he owed it to her.

"You do it." The blond said with as much authority she could muster.

"Sure… when hell freezes over." Was the koopas plain and, of course, grumpily answer.

"Oh, come on! It doesn't have to be wood, it can be anything inflammable! Like some shrubs or leaves or…"

Her gaze landed at Bowsers spare shell which was lying beside him. The damn shell he had saved from the sinking ship instead of the radio. The damn shell he had carried with him everywhere he went. It wasn't an ordinary spiky one, this one was patterned with goombas and soft and fluffy and probably… inflammable.

"Fuck no!" the king koopa snarled, wrapping his arms around the shell.

"That thing is useless!"

"This thing is going to prevent me from freezing to death tonight!"

**"We're on a tropical island! It's 40 degrees in the shadow!"**

She just couldn't take it anymore. The princess sat down heavily on the ground, fighting off the urge to burst into tears, feeling utterly helpless.

"I wish Mario was here. He would know what to do."

"Fuck Mario."

"I have."

This time the giant turtle actually met her gaze, eyes almost popping out of his head.

"I was joking."

"…ah…"

The princess raised an eyebrow.

"Did I just… render you speechless?" She said and couldn't help but smile.

He immediately regained his composure, furiously shaking his head.

"What? Hell, no! I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Yes, you do."

"As stated previously: Hell, no!"

"Fine. I'll drop it."

"Hell, yes."

Peach closed her eyes and realised she wasn't feeling as depressed and utterly helpless as before. Well, she still felt helpless but it certainly was better. And Bowser, her bane of existence, actually was the reason for that! That was… unusual, to say the least.

She opened her eyes and peered over at him. He was sitting at the ground, his arms protectively around the spare shell. What was the deal with that stupid shell anyway? Why did he treasure it so much? She had to find out.

"Is it an heirloom?" She asked softly, knowing that if that was the case it could be a delicate matter.

The green koopa looked as if she had been talking in a different language.

"What?"

"An object you have inherited."

"I know what an heirloom is."

"Okay…" She pressed on. "Was it a gift, from a friend or a girlfriend maybe?"

He tensed up a bit but still looked as he didn't know what she was talking about. Then he seemed to realise she was referring to the spare shell.

"What? You mean this?"

He started to shiver. The princess gulped. Oh, no… She had never meant to hurt him.

"Did I… did I say something wrong?"

Apparently it was quite the opposite, because the next second the koopa exploded in laughter.

xxx

It took a while for Bowser to cool off, not breaking out in hysterical laughter at the bare sight of the princess. She strongly suspected that he had gone insane, or at least she hoped… But as she was dying to know what it was all about, she waited patiently for him to calm down.

"Are you finished yet?" She sighed.

He dried off a few tears from the corners off his eyes and nodded. Well, at least she could say she had made him cry. That was always something…

"So what is the deal with the shell!?"

"The deal, princess…" He started and suddenly sounded very businesslike. "…is quality."

"Excuse me?"

"I urge quality for the shell I sleep in."

Peach could not believe what she was hearing. That was his… sleeping shell. The shell he slept in. A goddamn pair of pyjamas! At any other point, she would have laughed her eyes out at the bare thought of the mighty king koopa sleeping in that fluffy, goomba patterned thing. But now she just… she just…

"Are you seriously telling me that you saved that off the ship instead of the radio? Instead of anything remotely useful? That you have been dragging around that piece of crap…"

"Hey, hey… Let's not say things we can't take back." He responded, raising his hands. "This is a prime quality cotton shell. Have you ever thought about the importance of a quality shell?"

"BUT YOU'VE ALREADY GOT ONE!"

"Not a sleeping shell."

"….I'm gonna kill you."

And just like that Peach was as depressed and utterly helpless as she had ever been.

xxx

The sun was almost gone, the sky a mix of red and dark blue when the princess started to feel sleepy. She was still fuming over a certain overgrown koop, though. Said koopa was lying under a palm tree curled up in his spare shell. Probably sweating his behind off. The bare sight of him - and the spare shell - made blood rush to her head.

If I ever get home, she thought, I am going to buy every single factory that manufactures those cursed things. And then I am going to burn them to the ground. I will save one of the shells, though, which I will use to strangle Bowser in his sleep. Yes…

And with pictures of Bowser, suffering a slow and painful death, flashing before her eyes Peach drifted off to sleep, smiling.

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**As always: thanks for reading! Really! **

**Like I said at the top, I had a blast writing it and I hope you had a blast reading it :)**

**Peace and love!**


	4. Day 4 - Into The Blue

**Greetings internet! **

**Finally, Peach's and Bowser's adventures on the island continue. What will happen to them? Will they survive? Will they die a horrible, horrible death? Only I know! And you, if you continue to read ;)**

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**Day 4 – Into The Blue**

_ Featuring the shell heist, regretful moments, nothing at all and a deal._

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As the sun rose, Peach was slowly opening her eyes. She sat up stretching her stiff back and tried not to yawn too widely. She _was_ still a princess, mind you. The bright blue horizon showed no signs of activity, save for some seagulls catching an early breakfast. If only she had been a seagull… That would be the life. At least compared to her current situation.

Her fellow castaway hadn't waked up yet, being the late-riser he was. Not that she minded. The more he left her alone, the happier she was… Really.

The blond wrapped her arms around her legs, gazing at some clouds slowly making their way through the sky. It was so silent. And silence was nice. Silence and sunshine and sitting around doing nothing and silence and… And it was sooo boring. Mind numbingly boring. Even the company of that overgrown koopa would beat this. Probably.

She picked up a hand of sand and threw it at the koopa, hoping it would be enough for him to regain consciousness. It was. He immediately jerked awake, blinking drowsily.

"Oh, you're awake." She stated innocently.

Bowser got up, grumbling something that sounded like "mushfish".

"I'm starving to death over here and all you can say is that? This entire ordeal is your fault! I mean if you hadn't crashed that ship, we had never been here. Oh, and do not think I have forgiven you for yesterday."

He tiredly raised a fist as response. The princess stared at him.

"Yes!?"

"Do you hear that?" He said grumpily.

There was nothing but silence.

"Hear what?"

"Exactly."

_Stupid giant turtle trying to insinuate things…_ Oh no, she would show him she wasn't someone to push around. She was a princess! Oh, was he going to know he was still alive… But before she could get to it, Bowser turned around and marched away towards the forest.

"Hey! Where are you going?" She cried after him.

No answer. Well, what had she expected? Any other day the princess most likely would have followed him, but today she hadn't the strength. She was too hungry. She was too damn hungry to do anything but sit and stare at clouds and… Wait a minute.

_Did he just leave the spare shell?_

Sure enough, there in the sand it laid. Like a flower ready to be picked. This was just too… perfect. Feeling on top of the world Peach euphorically raised her fists in the sky and howled out load. But not too load. She _was_ still a princess, mind you.

xxx

After a while Bowser returned and the blonde was calmly waiting for him at the beach. She even smiled when he approached her, which was very unusual because, well - she hated his guts. It wasn't a secret.

Her smile faded when she saw what he was carrying.

"What is that?"

But she knew very well what is was. A bunch of coconuts, a cluster of berries, something that looked like bananas…

"It's food." He responded and sounded like he couldn't care less. "Take whatever you like, I've already… "

Then he got quiet. Then the food dropped to the ground.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SPARE SHELL?"

Peach whimpered, mentally facepalming herself. The timing couldn't have been worse, why did he suddenly have to act all nice and friendly? She unhappily looked down at the fruit in the sand and felt like a complete jerk.

"WHERE?" growled the very large koopa and threateningly loomed above her. The blond winced.

"I… I'm sorry."

Bowser looked like he could explode at any moment. Needlessly to say, she feared for her life.

"It…It's gone. I threw it in the sea."

She closed her eyes and waited for a blow that doubtlessly would end her life. But it didn't come. That was strange. When she dared look again Bowser was gone. He had sat himself at the edge of the beach, right were the waves met the land, gazing out towards the horizon. He looked… sad. This was rather… comical if you thought about it, but Peach didn't want to think about it that way. She actually had seemed to hurt him deeply and that made her feel bad about herself. She did want revenge, of course, but not in this way…

She approached the koopa slowly and dropped down beside him. He didn't meet her gaze.

"I'm sorry Bowser, I didn't know this was such a big deal for you. If I had, I wouldn't have done it."

In retrospect, maybe with all the talk about "the importance of a quality shell" she should have known it was a big deal. Anyway, he didn't stir.

"I'm sorry a thousand times!"

"Go to hell." Was his plain answer.

xxx

Peach was worried. Several hours had gone by and Bowser still hadn't talked to her or eaten the sand encrusted fruit she had offered him or made any attempt to move, even. The only thing he seemed able to do was angrily staring at her. Okay, maybe worried wasn't the right word. She felt… guilty. It was because of her "revenge plan" he was acting like this. Her stupid, awesome revenge plan.

She sighed and tried to break the silence once more.

"Are you sure you don't want any fruit?"

No reply. Oh, why did she even bother? She hated the bastard! And now he hated her… But the thing was - she wasn't used to being hated. And she didn't like it at all. And she really couldn't take it, not even from him…

"Please, Bowser. I've apologized a million times." She whined tiredly.

Much to her surprise, he answered.

"Maybe a million times isn't enough."

"Then what's enough?"

"Nothing. Murderer."

Okay, she could take much. But not that.

"Do not call me that! It was just a shell!"

"No it wasn't just a shell. It was _my_ shell! A pure quality life companion. Besides do you know how much I paid for it?"

He turned away, gazing towards the ocean.

"And now it's gone. Just like that." He snapped his fingers. "Makes you think, huh."

It didn't make the princess think about anything in particular, except that perhaps the king koopa wasn't playing with a full deck… She didn't mention it, of course, she didn't want to make things worse.

"I'll get you a new one when we get home!"

He looked at her as if she had insulted him.

"You mean, if we get home. And no thank you, it just wouldn't be the same."

"But…"

"Nothing you say can change anything. Murderer."

"Please, Bow…"

"Go to hell."

xxx

The sun was about to set and Bowser was still treating Peach as a criminal. He cut off anything she said, stared at her with a heavy, judgmental gaze and made melancholy sobs at regular intervals. Needlessly to say, she was sick and tired of it.

After he had begun mumbling about "the importance of a quality shell", the blond had had enough.

"Fine." She said and rose.

Determinately, she marched out in the water, wading further and further away from the beach.

"What the hell are you doing?" The king koopa called after her.

The water reached her waist when she turned around.

"I'm getting that stupid shell."

"What?"

"I'm getting it! I have to or I'll never hear the end of it. If I'm going to die on this island, at least I want to die in peace."

She turned around ready to throw herself into the waves.

"No, listen! Stop!" He cried, arms raised in the air. "You don't have to! I've already got it."

The blonde stopped, frozen to the ground… or, err, the water. Behind her Bowser uncovered the spare shell from its hiding place.

"Look, I've had it all the time! It drifted ashore. I discovered it just before you tried to apologise the first time."

No foul word in any language could describe what the princess was feeling in that moment. It was just too much to handle. Her mind went blank and the world around her turned dark.

xxx

Peach woke up in the shadow of a palm tree. Bowser, who must have carried her there, was tending his beloved spare shell in the shadow of another tree. Dear Lord, it was as if that thing was his first born or something. She felt tired to the bone.

"I never should have woke him up." She sighed regretfully.

"What?" Bowser turned to her.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

He eyed her and patted his beloved shell.

"At least we're even now, right?"

"Fine." She responded flatly. "But if you ever mention the importance of a quality shell again I'll throw that _thing_ back into the blue."

He was trying hard not to smile.

"Deal."

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**Alright! That was chapter 4, only about 3 more to go :)**

**Oh, and thanks for reading!**

**Peace and love.**


	5. Day 5 - Princess Nags-A-Lot

**Whazz up, internetters! **

**Here's the fifth chapter of Lost: The Princess Edition. Normally I write in third person from Peach's POV, but this time it's Bowser all the way. Also, this may not be as… comical as previous chapters but it has to be here to, well, let us in on Bowser's thoughts. Or like, you know, whatever…**

**Let's just get down to business.**

* * *

**Day 5 – Princess Nags-A-Lot**

_Featuring an angry princess, forgotten fruit, square one and confessions._

* * *

Five days had passed on the island. Five days of nagging and insults and nagging and yada yada yada until Bowser's ears was almost falling off. He shot a glance at the sleeping princess. How could so many words come out of something so small and delicate? Well, at least she - somewhat - tried to make conversation instead of crying and screaming that red douchbag's name all the time. _Ah, just thinking of that fat idiot made him want to smash and break and burn things! _

Angrily he grabbed some sandy, leftover fruit and ate it. Peel and all. He wasn't very picky when it came to these things.

After a while he shot another glance at the princess. Why hadn't she woken up yet? She always seemed to be up before him, but not today. Weird. Het bet she was starving, though. Pretty looks and skinny legs didn't get you far on deserted islands.

"Hey! Are you hungry?" He called out.

There was no response. Man, was she sleeping deep. Well, he could just give her a poke at the arm. But then again, he was pretty sure she wouldn't want him touching her. So instead he picked up a small stick from the ground.

"Hey! Are you listening to me?" He called out even loader and jabbed her at the shoulder with the stick. "Are you hungry?"

He jabbed her again. The blonde's eyes shot open.

"Stop doing that!" She hissed angrily and slapped the stick out of his hands. "I am not an animal."

"I just wondered…"

"Yes, I know! And of course I am hungry! I haven't had anything for days. But that's kinda hard to figure out for some people, I guess."

He sighed heavily. It started early today…

"Well, have some fruit."

"No."

"That contradicted what you just said."

She tore her hair in frustration over… whatever she was frustrated about. He didn't know.

"I know, okay! Is that illegal? Huh? Do I have to be perfect all the time? Is that what you're saying? You're so thick! Don't you see? It doesn't matter anymore! Nothing matters!"

Oh, no. What was this all about?

"Ehm… well…" He started, not sure what to respond but the princess cut him off with an angry grunt.

"Just go away."

xxx

Bowser gazed towards the horizon. Nothing. Damn, what were his underlings doing? Where were the armada of ships searching for their mighty king and ruler? Incompetent idiots. It had been five days! Five days in the company of… her.

He turned his head and looked towards the other side of the beach were the princess was lying. He could almost see dark clouds of anger rising from her honey coloured hair. Most of that anger was probably his doing, whatever he had done. The king koopa shook his head and sighed deeply. These days alone with her had confirmed his suspicions: she didn't like him. What a letdown. The kindest and sweetest thing in the universe, the person who seemed to love everything and all, hated his guts. And for no reason! He had never done anything to hurt her, he even tried his very best to act like… all nice and stuff. And that was seriously not up to par with his badass persona, but he still did it! Okay, maybe he was a little grumpy around her at times but that was just because she made him all nervous! Normally, he was probably the epitome of awesomeness but good luck showing it off when being around her was goddamn nerve-racking!

It didn't help either that he was constantly hungry. Damn hungry. He scanned the ground. The fruit was all gone, they had eaten it all. Or rather, he had eaten it all. In any case he wanted, no, needed more. He wasn't going to fucking die on this island.

Time for another expedition.

"I'm going to get some more food." He informed princess nags-a-lot when he got to her side of the beach.

The princess didn't condescend to give him a look.

"Who cares? Leave me alone."

The standard answer. But he didn't want to leave her alone, even if it was tempting. What if she came up with some stupid idea like swimming out on open water again?

"Okay. But…"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Fine, the king koopa thought and sighed. Whatever. She was probably going to lie under the palm tree the entire time he was gone anyway. He collected his spare shell and swung it over his shoulder. But when he turned around the blonde was there, a creepy smile plastered all over her otherwise lovely face.

"So. When are we leaving?"

"But you weren't coming."

"Yes I was."

Oh, not this bull again! He had to do something to like figure out what to do. Or something… Ah, he wasn't very good with this whole emotion thingy. _Think, Bowser, think. What would that red piece of shit say?_

"Ehm… "He stuttered. "Is something the matter?"

"No."

Okay, something was certainly the matter.

xxx

Princess Peach followed him to the edge of the forest without saying a word. Which had to be some kind of record or something. But although he enjoyed the silence it made him worried. Worried about her.

He glanced at her. The blonde was still smiling erringly, hands tied convulsively together. Man, whatever that was about it couldn't be good. But he was certainly not going there, as much as he liked being called a monster there are limits. It was better to concentrate on the fruit.

"Listen." He said and looked at everything except her eyes. "We need to get more fruit. Bananas and coconuts grow in the palm trees and other high as hell places, so leave them to me. The berries and all the other crap grow in the weird looking shrub things, you know, those with red leaves and… whatever. You take those."

The princess crossed her arms and pouted.

"I would rather burn in hell."

"Be my guest."

"Yeah, make sense that you say that."

Silence.

"Because you are the devil."

The green koopa frustratingly rolled his eyes. Why did she always treat him like he was Simple Simpleton of Simpleville? She didn't need to explain everything she ever said. Apparently she didn't feel the same.

"And the devil lives in hell… Oh, why do I even bother?" She shook her head in obvious contempt. "Idiot."

He grinded his teeth and turned away. Easy, he thought and tried to breathe calmly. Just find something with a head that's not that spoiled brat. And behead it.

xxx

His innocent victim was eventually an ant, treading along on the ground minding its own ant-business. With a slash of his claws the soon to be king of the universe brought it down from its pedestal. Ha! Letting out the frustration helped a bit and got Bowser thinking of other things than how much the princess hated him. Like, how soft her skin looked and how the colour of her hair broke the light. It was stupid, really, he realised that, but it fascinated the crap out of him none the less.

The survivors treaded along the outskirts of the forest for a while and Bowser, who had forgotten about the fruit completely, tried not to look too much at the princess. But it was hard. Well, at least she didn't know.

"Stop looking at me!"

Woops. Her unforgiving eyes met his.

"Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"You know what I mean!"

He picked up the pace, ignoring her angry accusation. She'd never understand. In fact, he didn't fully understand it. It was kinda like looking at colour in an uncoloured world he guessed. Or something… Whatever. Why did she always have to question him? He was Bowser, god damn it! The terror of the mushroom world!

"Shut up!" He barked at her, although she was already quiet.

She glared at him.

"I hate you."

Well, her insult-vocabulary wasn't very versatile. He had heard that particular one quite a lot lately. But even so, it got to him. It got to him.

xxx

Suddenly princess Peach presented the suggestion. Or rather, demand.

"I want to take the lead."

Bowser raised an eyebrow. What? So that she could get caught with her obscurely wide dress and trip and get stepped on by mistake?

"Hell no."

And as many times before, they were back at square one.

"Why? Why can't I? You are such a male chauvinist! Telling me to be quiet all the time, telling me to this, telling me to that… I have a will of my own, you know!"

Oh yeah, he knew.

"It's so ridiculous! You're so ridiculous! This whole situation is awkwardly ridiculous! Why am I even here? Why…"

"Fine!" He disrupted and turned to her, his hands balled into fists. He just couldn't take it anymore. "Go ahead, take the lead! But do me a favour and SHUT THE HELL UP!"

And the princess actually went quiet, but only to fall over in fatigue the very next moment. He caught her as she fell. Shit, this wasn't good.

"Hey!" He called out worriedly and shook her lightly.

The princess eyes opened slowly and Bowser sighed of relive inwardly. Her azure blue eyes darted about for a while, unfocused and she didn't seem to understand what had happened.

"Are you feeling alright?"

She registered him and quickly, her confused look turned into one of utter disgust.

"Let go of me, you disgusting monster!" She spat out and tried to push him away.

"You have to get something to eat."

"Fuck off! I hate you!"

She struggled out of his grip, almost falling to the ground again. Seriously, what the hell! Did she have a death wish or something?

"Just stay away from me!"

The blonde turned away from him, but ended up tripping over her own feet. The green koopa let out a frustrated sigh. Why did she have to make everything so damn hard? He reached out a hand to help her get up but she smacked it away.

"DON'T TOUTCH ME!"

"I was just trying to help you!"

"In your dreams. And my nightmares."

"Why the hell…"

"Shut up! That's why."

"I just…"

"You make me sick!"

"You need to eat something!"

"What? So you can kill me and feast on my plump, juicy corpse? You disgusting creature."

Okay. That was it.

He slammed his claws into the nearest tree, almost knocking it over. The princess froze, quiet at last. Her eyes filled with fear.

"**Have I ever done anything to physically harm you?!**" He roared furiously and loomed threateningly above her.

"W-What d-do…"

"**HAVE I?**"

"That… that is not the point!"

"Then tell me the point, princess! Because I'm fed up to here listening to how disgusting and cruel I am and how much you hate me!"

"…I…"

Silence.

"Well, fuck me! Have I rendered you speechless, your majesty?"

"Fine, I'm sorry." She said and stared at him with her eyes wide open. "I'm sorry for everything I've said! I'm sorry for not being a better person, not being as good as I truly am. But I can't take it anymore! This island, this whole situation… I guess it's just scaring me."

She sunk down on the ground, looking all… beaten or lost or… like someone who had reached her limit.

"I know you'd never hurt me and despite all, I don't hate you. I just had to let it out on someone. I'm afraid, okay. I'm afraid I'll probably die here…"

Big tears started to trickle down her face.

Shit. Looking at her made him feel like someone had punched out his insides. Did she really feel like that? And more importantly, did she really think he would let it happen?

He looked her in the eye.

"Do you really think I'd ever allow that to happen?"

More tears fell from her eyes until she covered her face with her hands.

"Yes."

His insides grew numb. Did… Did she really think so low of him? Was he really that despicable? Hadn't he shown her how he felt? Why… His head spun lightly. Damn feelings, what were they good for!? Oh the joy to be a rock on the ground!

The princess had curled up like a little mouse, quivering like kingdom come. He felt how his heart dropped. He couldn't have that. No. Never. And for once, he knew what to say. The problem was: he didn't want to say it. But it was the only thing that would cheer her up. Shit. Shit. Fuck.

He sighed heavily.

"Mario will come for you. He always does."

"No, not this time. He'll never find me." She sobbed in her hands.

"Mario always finds you."

"How? _We_ don't even know where we are! "

"Mario always…"

"Fuck Mario!"

"I have."

Her hands fell from her face and her watery blue eyes darted to his, surprise written all over her features. Then amusement. Then, for the first time in ages, she laughed. She dried the tears from her eyes and smiled sweetly.

"Yeah, you're right. He will find me, he always does."

And for the first time ever, Bowser found himself not hating that.

* * *

**And that's it folks! TFR! Tune in next time for more craaaazy adventures on the island.**

**But seriously, I had a hard time making Bowser sound… Bowser-like. It turned out, I don't know, pretty good sometimes and craptacular other times. Not much happed anyway, this chapter was all dialogue, dialogue, never-ending dialogue… Sorry, really. I'll try to improve.**

**Again, I want to thank everyone who's following, faving and reviewing this little story. Specially HugeBowserFan11, samusaran101 and rene10 who have reviewed multiple times. You guys rock!**

**Peach and love.**


	6. Day 6 - For Your Ears Only

**Hi! Hola! Bonjour! Konichiwa! Hejsan allihopa!**

**In this, the second last and probably my favorite chapter, we're back to third person from Peach's POV, just like before chap 5.**

**So without further ado I present to you: Day 6!**

* * *

**Day 6 – For Your Ears Only**

_Featuring secrets, mysterious mushrooms, moustaches, saving Toadsworth and finally a red flag._

* * *

"Yes! I got it!" Peach suddenly cried, almost making Bowser drop his precious spare shell in the sand. They had been on this wretched island for six days now, why hadn't she thought of this before? She turned to the green koopa.

"You're a turtle!"

"I'm a koopa, you idio…"

"Koopa, giant turtle; tomayto, tomahto. Why don't you just swim for help? Turtles are water animals, right?"

He stared at her with a strange look on his face.

"Yeah, I don't really do that…"

"What?"

"You know…. All that… Meh…" He trailed off; waving his fingers like it was no big deal.

The blond raised an eyebrow. Okay… That was unnervingly unclear. She felt her fingertips starting to tickle, maybe if she… No. She would not let her prying personality get the best of her. She owed it to him. Somewhat. He probably just didn't want to get his hands dirty. But she wouldn't bring it up. No… Neve- Okay, just this time.

"So you don't want to get your hands dirty?"

"Yes!" He exclaimed a bit too quickly. "Err… that's it, I mean."

She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. Yeah, right. That was definitely not it.

"You're such a liar."

"Aha. And what have we said about insults?"

"Yes, I know. No more of them. Sorry…"

She hung with her head and sighed, drawing circles in the sand with her fingers. The green koopa observed her for a while and then sighed too.

"Fine, I'll tell you. But this is for your ears only."

She peered up at him, a big smile on her face. She knew it was more to it!

"Just know this." He added and sounded a note of warning. "If you tell anybody, especially that red clad nut, I will devour you. No, scratch that, I will devour you slowly while you're still alive."

"I get it."

"And no laughing."

"Yes, yes. Just tell me."

He scratched his head nervously.

"Well, I… I can't really, you know… swim."

…

…

The princess was speechless. Utterly, utterly speechless. The silence seemed to get to the green koopa.

"It's a long complicated process, you know!" He bawled out, obviously trying to gloss it over. "I didn't learn it as a child and with all the kidnappings and plots to take over the kingdom; I really never got to it…"

Silence.

"Come on! Say something."

But she didn't, she exploded in laughter.

xxx

The princess took her time to calm down, she hadn't forgot when the king koopa almost died of laughing at her. When she was done she found said koopa glaring sourly at her.

"You promised not to laugh."

"Oh, no." She responded and shook her head. "I never did. I said I _wouldn't_ laugh but, well… I'm only human."

He snorted, seemingly not satisfied with that answer. For someone who prided himself for being ruthless and macho, he really was easy to offend.

"Okay, okay. Here, I'll make it up to you."

She reached into one of the many pockets in her dress and pulled out the contents. Mushrooms, a hand full of mushrooms. Bowers raised an eyebrow and looked at them doubtfully.

"Where did you get those?"

"In the forest, of course. I've saved them for worse times, but we might as well have them now."

He plucked one from her hand and eyed it suspiciously.

"Mushrooms, ey…"

She nodded.

"Mario and Luigi eat it all the time."

"So what?" The koopa snorted, seemingly offended. "I don't give a damn about what those retarded brothers eat for their retarded meals."

The princess hung with her head again, sadly looking down at the mushrooms on her hands. They looked quite tasteful but had a funny colour; yellow, patterned with purple dots and swirls. The king koopa sighed as he saw the sadness on her face.

"I could try one, I guess."

She smiled contentedly.

"Me too."

xxx

The princess's head spun around like she was riding a merry-go-round or like someone had trapped her in a tumble dryer. She had a slight suspicion that this wasn't the kind of mushrooms the Mario brothers was so keen on, but it was hard to concentrate on anything other than the world flashing by so she didn't give it anymore thought. In a way, it was kind of breathtaking seeing all the colours of the island swirl around in front of her eyes. But in most ways, it was just weird.

The blond put her hands on her cheeks in an effort to try to stop the spinning, but it only spun around more. Dear. She couldn't have Bowser know what state she was in, she'd never hear the end of it. She shot a glance at the green koopa that floated around upside down just in front of her. God, that was so hilarious. She muffled the hysterical giggles that escaped her mouth with her hands. No. Stop. She had to try to act normal. Get a conversation going. Okay. What could they talk about? Maybe, Mario? No! Not Mario! He didn't like hearing about Mario. Or Luigi. Okay. She took a deep breath. Don't mention Mario, don't mention Mario… She turned to the floating koopa.

"Mario…"

Damn! Okay, maybe she could get away with it if she quickly changed subjects.

"You know who really likes mushrooms? Luigi. No! I mean… Mario."

Great save.

"You know what else Mario likes? Moustaches. Mario combs his moustache like all the time, sometimes I think he's more in love with that thing than me. But I shouldn't complain, really. My biggest turn on is moustaches."

Oh. Dear. Lord. What had she just said? She peered nervously at the koopa but it didn't seem like he had heard. He just sat there in the sky with an unfocused gaze and drool trickling down his chin. What a sight. Hilarious. She snapped a few pictures, but then remembered that she had no camera. Oh, boy. That was just... hilarious.

"OH MY GOD!" Bowser suddenly cried, a crazy look in his eyes. He held out one of the mushrooms. "This totally looks like your mushroom dude!"

"What? You mean Toadsworth? He has a moustache. You know who else has a moustache? Mario."

Damn! She had slipped again but he didn't seem to have noticed. Instead he nodded furiously.

"Yeah! Toeswart! He's old. He must be like one hundred."

"He's forty five."

"Man, he must have had a hard life."

"Stop it. He's really sweet. You know who else is really sweet? Mario."

"Sweet? First time I ever met Toadweener, he tried to spit in my face!"

The king koopa contemptuously eyed the mushroom he was holding.

"Not so tough now, ey, Toadingwhat? Well, you shouldn't be! Cuz, I'm gonna eat you! Bwahaha…"

He laughed hysterically at the defenceless mushroom in his hand.

"NO!" Cried Peach equally hysterical and threw herself over him.

She wouldn't allow him to kill Toadsworth! She slapped the koopa repeatedly in the face until she could safely snatch Toadsworth away from him. In a rush, she then carried the mushroom to the edge of the beach and tossed it in the waves.

"SWIM, TOADSWORTH, SWIM!" She cried as load as she could before she dropped to the ground, completely exhausted. "Save yourself…"

Back in the shadow of the palm trees Bowser hoisted himself up and made his way to the other mushrooms. He grabbed them all, plus a lot of sand and dirt, and held them over his head, Link-style.

"So? You may have saved him, but the rest of your people is doomed, princess! This is what happens when you mess with the big B!"

Peach shook her head in fear and shrieked at the top of her lungs.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Laughing like crazy, he opened his big mouth and shoved in the contents of his hands. Tears flowed from the princess's eyes as he crushed it with his teeth and swallowed it.

"You monster!" She yelled as she made her way back to him, furiously shaking her fists at him. "Spit them out!"

"In your nightmares and my dreams!" He retorted. "Ehh… wait… That isn't right…"

"SPIT THEM OUT!"

"Yeah, make m…"

Suddenly the koopa quieted, a strange look on his face. The princess's hopes got up. Maybe he would actually do what she told him to this time? This was a huge victory for the mushroom kingdom and for her! This was…

The mighty king koopa leaned forward and started to wildly throw up on the ground right in front of her.

This was gross. She shrieked even loader than before and jumped backwards, trying to get to safe grounds.

xxx

When it seemed like Bowser was all out of… stomach contents. Peach approach him cautiously. She had had her revenge for him eating her people, so she figured she should see how he was. Without mentioning Mario this time.

"Are you alright?"

"Do I look alright!?" He spat back.

He looked upside-down to her. But she didn't mention it, because then it would be all about Mario. And she really didn't want to hear him blabber about Mario again.

"I wish Kamek was here." Bowser wailed. "She doesn't ask me stupid questions all the time. Well, most of the time she does. But not all! Not all!"

He put his head in his hands and started to cry.

"I-I h-hate s-stupid q-questions!"

Now, what was all this about? She had just tried to be nice to him!

"It was you who kidnapped me in the first place!" She snapped. "You know who doesn't kidnap me? Mario."

"R-really, s-super genius." He sobbed into his hands. "I-I didn't k-know that. Tell me m-more."

"Just… just shut your face."

They sat in silence for a while, until Bowser had calmed down. When he had wiped away the last tear, he angrily glared at her.

"This was a really lousy way to make things up to me. Making me eat mushrooms, making me not eat a mushroom, making me eat a lot of mushrooms."

She glared back equally angrily.

"Then what do you want me to do?"

His face reddened, all anger disappearing.

"Ehm…"

"Tell me!"

"…No"

"Why?"

"Because, you wouldn't dare to do it."

What the f...? She wouldn't dare? Oh, snap! She'd show him! She was a princess! He was just an enormous floating koopa!

"TELL ME!"

"Never." He responded and turned even redder.

He could easily compete with a traffic light, she figured. It was just… hilarious. But no time for Mari- no time for laughter, she meant. She had twice the IQ he had, she could trick it out of him. And she wouldn't mention Mario.

"I Mario you Mario me! Mario!" She yelled.

He confusingly looked at her. Damn! Why did he keep bringing up Mario? Now, what was it she was going to say?

"I dare you to tell me! Coward!"

"Okay." He snorted, crossing his arms. "Kiss me."

She froze. What did he just say?

"Told you, you wouldn't dare."

"Fine."

Now it was his turn to freeze.

"Really?"

She nodded.

"Really."

If this was what she had to do save Toadsworth, she would do it.

"Great!" The koopa called out and giggled like a little girl.

He looked ecstatic, to say the least. She approached him slowly, placing herself just in front of him. This is for you Mari… eh, Toadsworth, she thought as she shut her eyes tightly and leaned forward to meet the inevitable. She could feel the koopas breath on her, how he closed in and, and…

Nothing.

She opened her eyes and saw that he had pulled back with his hands over his mouth and a nauseous look on his face. Oh, no. In the speed of light, or at least the speed of sound, the princess leapt away crying bloody murder whilst Bowser returned to his favourite pastime activity; patting his spare shell. And by that I mean, barfing like there was no tomorrow.

xxx

The princess sat alone at the beach, the king koopa being in the forest doing what he usually did these days. Throwing up. Her head was, thankfully, not spinning anymore but she had a hard time remembering what had happened the last few hours. She knew it had something to do with moustaches and Toadsworth and… Well, it didn't matter. What mattered was that she was going to have a serious conversation with Mario about mushrooms when she got home. If she got home… She sighed deeply. She shouldn't doubt, for god's sake, even Bowser had told her not to doubt. So why was she still doubting?

It had been six days. Six of the longest days in her life. Six days of a crazy, stupid Bowser and a somewhat nice and friendly Bowser. She didn't know what to think anymore. She was dizzy and tired and hungry. She longed for a shower and clean clothes and Toadsworth telling her what to do and, damn, even a normal kidnapping. But most of all she longed for an M on a bright red…

…

What the…? It couldn't be… No…

She rose, her eyes wide open and her heart racing. Far off on the waves, a ship broke the line of the horizon. A ship with a bright red flag. A ship with a bright red flag and… an M.

The princess took a deep breath and called out the name she for so long had longed to call out.

"Mario!"

* * *

**Firstly: TFR!**

**Secondly: Confused? Well, this chapter is a little confusing… Peach is kinda disoriented and her thoughts are incoherent and/or don't make very much sense. But, hey, she had psychedelic mushrooms! You'd be disoriented too!**

**So, the next chapter will be the last. Sad but true. But at least I'll finish, right? Don't you just hate discontinued fanfics? I mean, those ones that just end in the middle of the action and haven't been updated for years. I loathe them!**

**Anyways, writing this fanfic has been a crazy but mostly stupid ride ;) And it has been fun. All thanks to you!**

**See you at Day 7!**

**Peace and love.**


	7. Day 7 - The Happy (?) End

**Hello again.**

**I really shouldn't post this chapter now; it needs at least another day or so to properly mature. But I don't really feel like spending more time on it, so what the hey. It'll do.**

**Anyways, it's time to wrap it up. Mario has finally come to save the day and everyone is happy. Or are they?**

**Please enjoy!**

* * *

**Day 7 – The Happy (?) End**

_ Featuring a conflicted Mario, a rescued princess, an angry Toadsworth, a crazy Bowser and an abandoned son_.

* * *

"Princess, I'm so glad that you're safe!"

Peach looked up and smiled weakly. Just hearing Mario's accented voice, just seeing his face made her want to cry out of joy. She thankfully grabbed his outreached hand and he pulled her onboard the ship. It was a quite small vessel with white sails and at the top of the pole, a red flag with a white M. Oh, god. She couldn't believe it, she was rescued. She was finally rescued. And it had only taken seven days!

Wait a minute… _It had taken seven days! _An entire week! She'd lost an entire week of her life just because that stupid contractor hadn't get cracking earlier! Swift as lightning the blonde changed from being a happy survivor to being, what Bowser would have called, princess nags-a-lot.

She coldly fixed her eyes on the plumber.

"You took your time."

Mario, yet to have experienced the confusing logic of princess nags-a-lot, didn't seem to know what to say.

"Ehm…"

"Is that all you can say? I have almost starved to death on that island and all you can say is 'Ehm'? Did you really think that was a good idea Mario?!"

"No… I…"

"That was a LOUSY idea! And okay, I know what you're going to say. You're gonna say: 'Hey, It was only seven days' and 'I came as fast as I could'. But even if that's true, I don't need to hear your attitude right now because I am sick of it!"

One could practically see the question marks floating around Mario's head. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, like a stranded fish, but said nothing.

The princess snorted with contempt and turned away, facing the beach. She was surrounded by idiots! Her gaze met Bowser's. Seemingly, he had crawled out of the forest to come and join the welcome party. Or not. He just stood there, looking all awkward and like he didn't know what to do. Well, figures. He, the villain, had to be rescued by his archenemy, the hero, and what kind of villain had to be rescued by the hero? A pretty crappy one. She sniggered maliciously.

"Princess…"

Said princess turned around. Apparently, the plumber had found his tongue.

"Are you really okay?"

Such an ignorant question. Of course she wasn't!

"Of course I'm not! I almost starved to death!"

"If you're hungry I can go make you some pasta…"

"I don't want your FUCKING pasta!"

The Italian looked like he was going to cry. Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh. But so is life! And… And she couldn't believe she was mean to Mario. Mario of all people! No, she couldn't have that. She tossed her arms around the plumber and unrestrainedly started to sob, her princess nags-a-lot façade fading away.

"I'm so sorry, Mario! I was just so afraid. And when that happens I get… aggressive."

"It's okay." He responded with relief and patted her back. "You're safe now."

"Yes, I know. Thank you."

The blonde sighed contentedly. It was finally over, all thanks to Mario. Her Mario. She ran a finger along the edge of his moustache.

"I could just kiss you senseless."

The plumber face immediately turned scarlet.

"Yeah… um… I… yeah, you know… cool." He awkwardly stuttered and looked everywhere except in her eyes.

Same old Mario. She leaned forward and was just going to make reality of her words when…

"Princess Peach, thank goodness you're safe!"

Toadsworth , her loyal steward appeared from nowhere and roughly tackled away Mario, pulling her into a tight hug. She tried to say something, but was smothered against his coat.

"I have never been so afraid in my entire life!" The mushroom man continued furiously and pulled her even closer. "Right, Mario?"

Behind his back, Mario, who got cheated out of his kisses, stared daggers at him.

xxx

When Toadsworth finally decided that Peach was all hugged out, he released her and smiled contentedly.

"I guess we are ready to depart."

"Not really." The princess replied nervously, feeling a little guilty. "Ehm, King Bowser…"

She nodded towards the beach where the might king koopa had stood all the time, awkwardly observing them.

"We have to take him with us too."

Mario looked conflicted.

"Take _Bowser_ with us?"

"Please, Mario."

"Ehm, right." Mario responded, scratching his head.

He turned to the koopa.

"I… I guess you want to, err… hop onboard too…"

"Or…" Toadsworth, who wasn't really as forgiving as Mario, cut in. "…King Bowser could just wait for his minions to find him. I do not think this boat is large enough for all of us…"

"Please, Toadsworth. It would be heartless to just leave him."

"…Fine." Said the old toad reluctantly.

"And no yelling."

"Is that really necessary?"

"Toadsworth..."

"Fine, no yelling."

The koopa had barely got onboard before Toadsworth started to yell at him.

"YOU BETTER NOT HAVE DONE ANYTHING TO THE PRINCESS, BASTARD!" He shouted; spit flying all over the place.

Bowser leapt backwards as a gob of saliva shot in his direction. He looked back at the toad, offended.

"Hey! I was the one who had to spend half the time on that hellhole almost throwing my guts up!"

"Does it look like I care the slightest?"

"Go to hell."

He grumpily turned away, mumbling curses under his breath.

Peach sighed, somewhat feeling sorry for the king koopa. He had been far worse off than her, what with all the vomiting and such. And nobody seemed to care, poor man. She had to do something about it. But first, she had to take a long shower.

xxx

Clean and with fresh clothes, Peach made her way back to the main deck. Mario and Toadsworth were standing at the wheel, chatting. Or rather, Toadsworth chatted and Mario just stood there looking mildly interested. She approached them.

"Thank god, you're here." The plumber whispered to her as the old toad blabbered on. "I can't get a word in edgeways."

"Well, that's Toadsworth for you." She whispered back.

"I don't even know what he's talking about! I just happened to wander by and somehow got dragged in…"

"He's like a black hole. But don't worry, I got this."

She totally did. She had been dealing with Toadsworth's boring stories since she was old enough to understand them, and she knew exactly how to break them off.

The blonde clapped her hands together.

"It's time for tea!" She declared, smiling widely.

"…and then I says to Mabel… ehm, what?" The old toad turned his head to her.

"Oh, princess, there you are! Are you feeling better now?"

"Yes, thank you. Much better."

"I am glad to hear that. I was just telling Mario about…"

"Well, actually…" She responded, cutting him off before he could get any further. "I wanted to talk to you two about King Bowser."

She nodded towards the koopa who was sitting at the fore, sulking.

"Please don't be so rough on him. He's been through a lot lately, just like me."

"But princess…"

"You know, if you get to know him he's really very… sweet."

Okay, that sounded better in her head. But she wasn't one to give up. She looked pleadingly at both her companions.

"Just… just go and talk to him."

Xxx

Toadsworth approached the koopa cautiously. Peach had told him that he had nothing to fear, but he didn't seem to trust her on that one. Well, at least he had at agreed to talk to him. And that was a big step in the right direction! Maybe, just maybe, when they arrived at home they'd all be friends.

"So, King Bowser…" The toad started. "Are you feeling… comfortable?"

Bowser, who had been sitting with his back against them, turned around and stared him but said nothing. Toadsworth then nodded to another toad who had been hiding behind the pole. The other toad, the chef of the ship, nodded back and nervously skipped forward towards the koopa. In his hand he held a large plate filled with food.

"A-are you hungry, sir?" He piped.

"Am I hungry? Hm…" The koopa rubbed his temples like he was thinking really hard. "Let me put it this way…"

He pointed at the edibles.

"Why don't you take all that food, no, take both the food and the platter and just… shove it up your ASS!"

Oh, dear.

The chef-toad let out a terrified gasp, almost dropping the plate.

"How dare you…" Toadsworth started, but Bowser cut him off.

"You know, Toeswart, I have the perfect answer to that and everything else you ever are going to say."

He opened his mouth and burped in the mushroom man's face.

Oh, no, no, no. This couldn't get any worse. But then he turned to her.

"And you, you spoiled little brat. I knew you just couldn't keep your mouth shut. Did you really think I was all hurt and stuff? I am the Great Bowser, for fuck's sake! This is what I think of you and you're girly emotion crap."

He flipped her off.

"HOW DARE YOU?!" Toadsworth growled again, only to receive the middle finger too.

"I am BOWSER! Of course I dare!" He laughed furiously. "Aaaand don't you other toadies worry, there's enough of Bowser for all of you."

He lifted his arms to the air, waving his middle fingers at everyone he could see. The toads of the crew ran in all directions, screaming of fear, trying not to get stepped on.

Peach sighed deeply. Apparently, the psychedelic mushrooms hadn't left the koopa's system. She turned to Mario. Maybe he could clean up her mess, as usual. The plumber nodded, already aware of what she was thinking, and stepped forward.

The koopa lowered his arms.

"You…" He hissed.

"Yes?" The red clad man answered calmly.

"I am going to…"

Silence.

"I'm going to…"

Again the koopa stopped midsentence, a strange look on his face.

"What?"

"Is...is it only me or is this ship rocking a hell of a lot?"

"What do you mea…" Mario started but then quickly leapt backwards as his archenemy's stomach contents splashed down right in front of him.

xxx

Princess Peach sighed and watched the disgusted chef-toad wipe away the last traces of Bowser's… accident. She was a bit surprised that he had had anything left in his stomach after his last round. It was really quite amazing when you thought about it. But mostly gross. The king was back in his corner, alone. The toads of the crew didn't even dare to look at him, which was her fault. Everything seemed to be her fault. She peered at the koopa and frowned.

"Do not care about him, princess." Toadsworth said reassuringly and patted her shoulder. "We will soon be home."

"Really? No more lost islands?"

"No. You are safe now."

Peach sighed and leaned against her steward. The ship was well on its way back to the mainland and the island was far behind them. She and the king koopa were back at square one, but at least they were safe. And she never had to go back to that godforsaken island again.

She smiled.

"When we get home I…"

But she was disrupted by a load shriek.

"SHIT! I FORGOT MY SPARE SHELL ON THE ISLAND!"

* * *

**Aaaaand that's a wrap, people!**

**Personally, I think this chapter is a bit repetitive. Peach got all 'aggressive' ****_again_**** and Bowser threw up ****_again_****. Ah, well. At least we got to meet a bunch of new characters, right? Okay, maybe not a bunch, it was just Mario and Toadsworth. And the chef-toad. Love him.**

**But enough about that.**

**Wohoo! I seriously cannot believe I finished this, because apart from being the laziest person in the history of the universe I'm also such a quitter. I never seem to be able to complete anything. But this, I did. Oh, yeah!**

**Thanks to everybody who have been reviewing and such. You people rock. If you ever get to Sweden, we should totally hang out sometime :)**

**As always, TFR.**

P**e****_a_**c**e **_o_**u**t.


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